By Jessica Tseang
The Avengers are known to all as Earth’s mightiest heroes. They are the Marvel equivalent of the Justice League and are one of the two most recognized teams in Marvel (the other being X-Men). Yet, from time to time, we collectively scratch our heads, as we can’t figure out the logic behind why certain characters are allowed the privilege to join the Avengers. When one searches the Internet with these two keywords “worst Avengers,” Google will gladly come back with a myriad of links where fanboys around the world have compiled informative lists.
Fanboys are a passionate bunch and will argue to no end on whose list is most accurate. While many share overlapping characters, such as Dr. Druid, D-Man and Jack of Hearts, there is always one contender that has never failed to be on everyone’s list: Starfox.
Just typing his name gives me the willies. It is not because he is mentally unstable or is riddled with rage issues, but because of his favorite power of choice: pleasure. Comic-book lovers can take a lot in comics. Whether it’s Nightwing’s unfortunate encounter with Tarantula or Hulk wanting to mate with his cousin She-Hulk, we laugh with disgust then shrug it off. The only time these incidents are brought up again, is during nerd-rage conversations when someone willingly brings up the topic. However, I have noticed: NO ONE LIKES TO BRING UP STARFOX. Not even in a ha-ha sort of way.
One might happen to see his name on the Internet, or even at GameStop where our worst Avenger shares the same name as that wonderful ’90s videogame, and it would send a cold feeling down our spine. The Joker can creep us out, but we can’t help but marvel at his genius. We don’t feel that with Starfox.
Starfox was originally named Eros (which should have been an early warning to the Avengers right there) and is the younger of two sons from Titan. He, along with his supervillain brother Thanos, are members of the Eternals. Eros grew up on Titan as a carefree womanizer and adventurer, while his brother Thanos became a power-hungry, nihilist conqueror (maybe also due to the fact that Thanos’ physical appearance is a contrast to the typical Eternal).
Thanos terrorized their planet and only then did Eros start to take his life seriously. After defending his home planet with other survivors, he joined forces with Captain Mar-Vell. Eros later learns that Thanos killed their mother and after his freedom from captivity, he helped out the Avengers and Mar-Vell in the first defeat of Thanos.
He leaves his duty on Titan and seeks out pleasure among various worlds. Eros returned to Titan to be with his now cancer-stricken friend Mar-Vell during his last moments. Mar-Vell made Eros promise to take care of his lover Elysius after he dies. But seeing his wanderlust, she releases him from his promise. Eros then leaves Titan and heads towards Earth where he sought to join the Avengers.
Good job on Eros for wanting to join a super team, a poor decision on the Avengers to even allow him as a trainee. The Avengers welcome heroes with all kinds of super powers. From telekinesis, to flight or healing factor, to just having plain ole’ good marksmanship, I can usually see the silver lining in why the Avengers allow certain heroes on their roll-call sheet.
Even Dr. Druid, D-Man, or Living Lightning have their positive points. Granted they sucked as an Avenger, but they used whatever power they were blessed with to the best of their ability. It wasn’t their fault they were given crappy powers. Like the slow kid in the back of the classroom, “Hey, at least he tried.” Or, the readers can always blame the writer for having a lazy day.
Eros’ storylines were not the issue, but rather his character. And it started with one writer, then became consistent. Nothing enrages fanboys more than “That’s not what so-and-so would do!” So once Eros became Marvel’s number-one creeper, he stayed that way. Not even a brand-new writer could fix that.
Eros had powers that are actually quite impressive: strength, stamina, agility, flight, healing factor, slow aging and psychic control over the emotions of others. He was an atrocious Avenger not because of the powers dealt to him, but his choice on which power to use during a dire situation. Sure, we see him fly around and punch things when needed, but more often than not, he chose the power to stimulate pleasure as his golden egg. That is what makes him the worst Avenger ever.
Also, look at the costume.
Comics have some of the goofiest costumes around, but when your future teammate is wearing a gigantic arrow pointed towards his nether regions (not because he has poor fashion sense but his way of not so subtly giving a humongous hint), he should not be admitted to the team. Period.
Several hints are given to the team that should have halted his advances to being one of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.
You know how people always say “It’s the quiet ones that you look for”? Well, be careful of the ones that describe themselves during any conversation and adds “among other things.” The only thought that should be going through your mind should be “Wait a minute…<b>what</b> other things?” Nudge, nudge, wink wink. With his name being Eros, I was shocked how clueless the Avengers were.
Then again, look at how the female members were ogling him.
When a team even entertains the idea to replace a B-list hero (or A minus list) by a C-Z-lister, we know that we’re heading towards trouble.
There are some pretty horrible names for some characters. But those are so terrible we can’t help but laugh. However, they often reflect their physical appearance and/or powers. Starfox does none of the above. We may pretend to follow Wasp’s logic, but it doesn’t mean that we have to accept it.
Nothing stops the Avengers from still arriving to this conclusion:
Tony Stark is a womanizer and Namor also enjoys the companionship of women, but they go about catching them by being any of the following: suave, chauvinistic, charming, persuasive. Not Starfox; after a hard day’s work (or hardly working), he blows off steam by squeezing the face of a pretty young lady because that’s what women like.
All heroes have their secrets. Sure, honesty is the best policy, but we can sympathize with those who have chosen to hide potentially harmful information or powers in fear of being judged and ridiculed.
I cannot find one reason why hiding the ability to promote pleasure in another is acceptable. Perhaps it’s because Starfox knew that he has the ability over all emotions, but just can’t help choosing the one that makes people blush.
Or maybe it’s because during an extremely urgent situation he does this:
Flashing his veneer smile and creepy posture, this mighty hero decides that the best way to stop intruders is to stimulate pleasure in them.
It does not work.
Starfox is also not very bright. As what you just witnessed won’t be the last time he tries his favorite trick only to be rejected.
Argh. You know that you just wasted your hard-earned lemonade stand money when you read the Vision (one kickass character) tell Starfox to use his pleasure power on their enemy. That team just hit an all-time low.
Starfox is creepy, but now, he only gets disturbing. Not even the Joker hits on people with whom he shares possible ancestry. Our favorite creeper spends some time in the comics to hunt down Nebula, only for him to encounter her and this happens. He uses the words “gently caress” to a character that may or may not be related to him. Bruce Banner disappears into the Hulk when he transforms and I can overlook him hitting on his cousin, but Starfox isn’t in the same position. He crossed that line like an Olympic gold medalist.
In Incredible Hulk #300, the Hulk rampages through Manhattan with only the Avengers to stop him. It astounds me that this is Starfox’s first choice against one of the most indestructible characters. I have no other reaction but to laugh.
Starfox’s best moment in comic history.
Many of you out there might disagree with me or even find my reasons idiotic; just for that, let me leave you with this:
Jessica Tseang was sucked into comics at the tender age of three, and turned it into a degree. She is currently the host for ComiCast!, contributes to GirlGamer, and is founder of Girl on Geek and www.thecomicbookgirl.com.