xbanner1

May Is X-Men Month!

xbanner2

May Is X-Men Month!

That’s Our Joss

Soon, probably just a few months from now, I’ll be looking back saying, “I remember the day when I said Joss Whedon and no one knew he was.” And of course I’m not talking about saying his name in the crowds at Comic-Con. No. I mean among the mundanes. The non-geeks. A couple-few years ago at a meeting among decidedly non-geeky co-workers I mentioned a Firefly quote. No one recognized it, and when I said Firefly, they wanted to know what the show was about. I explained, “It’s a western set in space and created by the one and only Joss Whedon.”

Crickets.

“You know, the guy behind Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Angel?”

And then someone in marketing said, “OH! Josh Whedon. Yeah, he’s directing an episode of Glee this season.”

Sigh. I corrected her pronunciation and moved on. I was weary of the mundanes ignoring Whedon or worse, looking down on him because he writes supernatural and sci-fi and a villain’s sing-a-long blog. I knew if they would just get past their snobbery over the subject matter, they would be enthralled by his stories. His characters. His Joss-ness.

And lo and behold, by Thor’s mighty hammer, etc., thanks to a little superhero flick called The Avengers, the world knows who Joss Whedon is. Our Joss. Out there, knocking socks off people who normally wouldn’t give silly superhero flicks a second glance. I couldn’t be more proud. He’s written and shaped something welcoming to non-fans, rewarding for super fans, something funny, something action packed, and something that makes you walk out of the theater wanting to high-five everyone and probably wanting to throw Cap’s shield or wield Mjolnir.

 

Basically, if you don’t walk out of The Avengers smiling, you need to get your head checked. As someone I know said, “ If anyone walks out of that movie and starts a sentence with ‘My problem with Avengers was…’ they are dead to me.”

In a recent thank you letter to his fans (he also discusses the whiplash of The Avengers box office smashing, you should read it if you haven’t), Whedon says:

“So this is me, saying thank you. All of you. You’ve taken as much guff for loving my work as I have for over-writing it, and you deserve, in this our time of streaming into the main, to crow. To glow. To crow and go “I told you so”, to those Joe Blows not in the know.”

I so am. But in a nice and welcoming way, not a hipster “I knew Joss Whedon when, and you’re just jumping on the bandwagon” way.

So. Regarding that film. You know, the one that everyone seems to be heading to the theater to see again and again (I know people who have seen it 5+ times). While I obviously have a Hulk-sized amount of respect for Whedon, he’s not the only force making The Avengers a raging success. Far from it. Besides the cast and crew, it’s necessary to give kudos to Joe Johnston, Kenneth Branagh, Jon Favreau, and Marvel for pulling and pushing together this universe and setting the stage so carefully. The bigger picture of the heroes coming together as a team could easily have been lost in the details of individual stories and personalities.

But the path was laid down step by step. The hints were dropped, the Nick Fury appearances were spread out, and all of it led to the doorstep of assembling the world’s mightiest heroes. Sure, that set-up and the result are not without flaws. Even so, it’s a pretty impressive feat. The foundation was built, and Whedon managed to tie together all the little threads into one of the tightest knit, coziest sweaters I’ve ever worn. And that’s nothing to sneeze at.

I think what really gets me  is that he managed to leave the imprint of his Joss-ness. When you have a film stuffed with big personalities, intense action sequences, a hella huge sandbox of an established universe, and an alien army, it’s got to be a challenge not to get lost in the special effects. I mean, think about the difficulties of making your dialogue memorable when you’ve got the Hulk running rampant and Iron Man’s suit coming together in an even more impressive way than the suitcase scene in Iron Man 2.

Yet Whedon nails it. That snappy conversation, the pop culture references, the beats, the little character moments and lines – it all shines through. His voice makes it past Thor and Iron Man duking it out, past Hawkeye’s awesome quiver, past the dazzling CG, and rises above. The trees don’t get lost in the forest, and that makes all the difference in this kind of film. All the difference.

And that is what Whedon brings to the table. I hope that the masses assemble for Whedon’s next project and the one after that and the one after that.

Staying on Target, Part III

Previously: We’ve been talking of late about Hawkeye the marksman, the Marvel Universe’s resident archer extraordinaire, longtime Avenger and seemingly full-time member of the lonely hearts club. Brother has no luck with the ladies. When we left off last time, Hawkeye was finding his way on an Avengers team increasingly populated with much more powerful teammates, and was beginning to feel outclassed…

As of AVENGERS #49, with founding members Goliath and the Wasp returned and new member Hercules frequently underfoot (although momentarily missing at the time), ol’ Hawkeye was beginning to have serious doubts about his worth as an Avenger.

These feelings would come to a head in AVENGERS #63, in “And In This Corner…Goliath!”, written by Roy Thomas and drawn by Gene Colan.

avengers63.jpg

Returning from Wakanda with their newest recruits the Black Panther and the Vision, Hawkeye finds himself hurtling toward Avengers Mansion when the Panther’s ship loses control just as the craft is coming in for a landing. Hawkeye quickly assesses the situation and leaps to action, preparing to fire a series of electromagnetic arrows at the roof to bring the ship to a halt once it nears the building. Unfortunately, there’s a slight technical malfunction:

bowstring.jpg

The Vision manages to save the day by stopping the ship by hand, thanks to his ability to increase his mass, but Hawkeye takes his failure hard:

notinleague.jpg

Back in the Mansion, Hawkeye and company greet Hank Pym and his wife the Wasp freshly returned from their honeymoon. Pym has a startling announcement, though: his days as Goliath are over. Feeling that his body is unable to handle the strains that come with growing to colossal size (and blaming that strain for his recent schizophrenic episode, which had led to his creating the Yellowjacket identity in the first place), Pym had abandoned his gigantic identity in favor of continuing to operate full-time as Yellowjacket. Unfortunately, it meant that both the new Goliath costume Wasp had designed and Pym’s own brand-new extra-strength growth serum would have to go unused.

Before he can destroy the serum, news hits from Nick Fury that ex-Avenger Black Widow (and Hawkeye’s longtime love interest, if you recall), had gone missing while on a top-secret SHIELD mission, and was last seen in the Caribbean. The Avengers race off to her rescue, leaving Hawkeye behind, declaring him to be too personally involved to be of any use.

Before long, the abandoned Hawkeye receives another phone call, this time from the Widow herself, letting the Avengers know that she’s actually being held captive in New York, at an unknown location that the sharp-eared Hawkeye manages to recognize as Coney Island. Still bruised from his failure in the plane and feeling outclassed, Hawkeye swipes Pym’s unused costume and growth serum and chugs it down:

newduds.jpg

And in short order, Hawkeye the Marksman is no longer in the picture, replaced by the all-new Goliath:

growing.jpg

As it turns out, the Widow had been kidnapped by frequent FF antagonists the Puppet Master and the Mad Thinker and Egghead, Hank Pym’s longtime foe, and when they spot Goliath approaching atop an oncoming subway train, they unleash their own colossal android, prepared by Egghead for the express purpose of defeating Pym in combat. At least, I guess that was the purpose. The precise motivation of the larger fiendish plan is never quite made clear…

bigfight.jpg

The new Goliath has some trouble adjusting to his new abilities, but quickly gets the hang of the whole size-changing thing, putting it to good use in defeating the android and saving the Widow.

winfight.jpg

So was Hawkeye’s experiment with Pym’s Goliath serum a one-time deal, or a permanent change? Goliath answers the question for Black Panther with a simple gesture:

bowsnap.jpg

Hawkeye’s transformation to Goliath also came along with a another rare look back to Hawkeye’s past in AVENGERS #64, as an old acquaintance of his, criminal racketeer Barney Barton, shows up on the Avengers’ doorstep looking for Hawkeye. Barton had been recruited by the aforementioned criminal scientist Egghead, looking for some extra help in his latest scheme, involving an orbiting satellite death-ray, which is about to fire on several American cities. Barton refused, and decided to tip off the Avengers instead, with Hawkeye none too pleased at Barton’s presence:

barney.jpg

The Avengers head into space to take out Egghead’s death-ray, with Barney Barton even coming along at his insistence. The Avengers swiftly make mincemeat of Egghead’s robot army, until he uses the materials left over from his alliance with the Puppet Master to completely immobilize the Avengers.

frozen.jpg

The only one still free, Barney Barton throws himself into the death ray projector, but not without a cost, being critically injured by the explosion.

deadbarney.jpg

Now free, Hawkeye makes his way to Barton, and the two have a final conversation (in which we for the first time learn Hawkeye’s real name). As Barton dies, Hawkeye reveals just how he and Barney knew each other:

clint.jpg

A solid offering from Roy Thomas and Gene Colan here, with a long-overdue look into Hawkeye’s background. Even more light was shed on Hawkeye’s past in the next issue, with the return of the Swordsman, who’s used by Egghead in a plot to destroy his old foe Hank Pym. Here we learn that Barney and Clint both worked at the carnival back when young Clint was trained in archery by the Swordsman, and that it was Barney who found Clint’s broken body after the Swordsman cut the high wire on which the young archer was standing, after having discovered the Swordsman’s criminal tendencies. When Barney learns that Clint turned down the Swordsman’s offer to split the take from the robbery, he’s disgusted that Clint passesd on the easy money, and turned to a full-time life of crime. Disgusted by his brother’s actions, Hawkeye stopped using their surname, which explains why so many years had gone by before revealing his real name.

When the Swordsman eventually infiltrates the Mansion and attacks the Avengers, he and Hawkeye (or, rather, Goliath) meet once more, and the Swordsman uses his high-tech sword to knock Clint out, so as to deliver him to Egghead. Egghead, however, isn’t pleased that Swordsman has brought the wrong Goliath, and turns on the Swordsman, sending him hurtling out the window.

With a makeshift bow and arrow, Goliath manages to save his former mentor, while at the same time capturing Egghead, the man responsible for the death of his brother.

bigdeal.jpg

For all his bravado, Clint was never really effective in his role as Goliath, whether it was due to overconfidence, such as here, when he’s schooled by Ultron:

ultron.jpg

Or here, during the Kree-Skrull War, when he simply forgets to take his growth serum.

forgot.jpg

Regardless, when you’re on a team with folks like Hercules, the Vision and Thor, even at 15 feet tall you’re not going to be the strongest guy in the room, and soon enough, we’d see Br’er Hawkeye’s inferiority complex creeping back.

Blastoff’s Free Comic Book Day

The Studio City Patch came out to talk to us about our plans for Free Comic Book Day!

It’s Free Comic Book day on Saturday—traditionally the first Saturday in May, and coincidentally (lately) the same time a big blockbuster comic-book style movie hits the theaters. 

This year, of course, it’s The Avengers, expecting to blast off into the stratosphere as far as box office records.

But, in North Hollywood, a local dad is trying a new style of comic book promotions, linking up with The Federal, the Laemmle NoHo 7 Theaters, NE1 Skate Shop, The Knitting Factoryand all the places that comic book fans will be gathering this weekend. 

“We’re going to try something that hasn’t been done before,” said Jud Meyers, whose daughter attends Carpenter Community Charter. “Rather than have a brick-and-mortar building where people come to browse comic books, we’re going to go to where the comic book fans are congregating, and try to reach them that way.” 

 

You can read the whole article here.

Comics 101, May 2, 2012 – Maybe Next Time

At this writing, I’m still five days away from seeing THE AVENGERS on the big screen (possibly only two if I’m lucky), and even though I’m still trying to stay as blissfully unaware of what’s in store as possible, I do know a fair amount about what we’ll be seeing in the film. And more to the point, I know what we won’t be seeing.

With that in mind, on the cusp of AVENGERS EVE, let’s take a look at a few of my favorite facets of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes that I’ll miss the most.

AVENGERS MANSION

mansion.jpg

Sure, the SHIELD helicarrier is cool and all, and it’ll look much more impressive on-screen as a visual, but to my mind, the Avengers aren’t really the Avengers without the Mansion. Donated to the team by Tony Stark, the Stark family townhouse on 5th Avenue in Manhattan became synonymous with the team over the years, despite being blown all to hell by various writers time and time again, presumably whenever they were stuck for some drama.

What I’ve always liked about Avengers Mansion is that it kind of exemplified what set the Avengers apart from other Marvel super-teams. No one knew where the X-Men lived, and no one really wanted to. The Fantastic Four could be found in the Baxter Building, high at the top of a skyscraper, much like Reed Richards, somewhat above the concerns of your average New Yorker. But Avengers Mansion? It was plopped down right in the middle of the city on Fifth Avenue, behind a big gate with a wrought-iron “A” on top of it. Everybody knows where the Avengers live. Got a problem? Just head over there and ring the doorbell.

(By the way, one of my favorite Avengers Mansion anecdotes? Not long after the team was founded, Iron Man and Thor pushed the mansion back from Fifth Avenue about 35 feet to give the team some additional privacy. That must have played hell with the plumbing…)

JARVIS

If there was a single thing I didn’t like about the first IRON MAN film, it was the transition from Edwin Jarvis the butler to J.A.R.V.I.S. the computerized artificial-intelligence assistant. Not the performance; Paul Bettany’s clipped, prim and slightly snide delivery worked perfectly. It was just that what I was afraid might happen actually happened: the inclusion of this new cyber-Jarvis precluded any inclusion of the real Jarvis should we ever get lucky enough to get an actual AVENGERS movie.

jarvis.jpg

As the character has developed over the years, Jarvis has evolved from a stuffy butler stereotype to the heart of the team, its major domo and operations manager, taking care of everything from meals and proper accommodations for members-in-residence to upkeep and maintenance for the team’s fleet of Quinjets. In the team’s darkest hours, he suffers (as in his terrible beating at the hands of the Masters of Evil during the Under Siege), and in its resurgences, he thrives. Jarvis lends a touch of humanity to the team, someone who cares about the Avengers as people, bringing them hot meals, tending their wounds and protecting their good name. You don’t see the Justice League in the satellite gathering around a buffet table of scrambled eggs with their masks off. Why? No Jarvis. Jarvis makes the Avengers seem more like a family.

THE VISION

Maybe it’s just because when I was growing up, the Vision was the cover corner-box symbol of the team, but the Avengers just don’t seem like the Avengers without the resident Synthezoid on the team.

vizhcover.jpg

Unlike his android counterpart the Red Tornado, who seemed to get blown to tiny pieces and go away for months at a time every few years in the pages of DC’s JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA, the Vision was a mainstay of the team for decades. His stoic, emotionless façade hid a deep emotional reserve, which readers saw slowly reveal itself over the course of the series. And the Vision’s long-simmering romance and eventual marriage to his teammate the Scarlet Witch was for years and years the primary romantic storyline in the series.

vizhwanda.jpg

Even though John Byrne dismantled the poor guy in his WEST COAST AVENGERS run…

vizhbyrne.jpg

…and then Bendis did it again in AVENGERS DISASSEMBLED…

vizhbendis.jpg

…you can’t keep a good android down, as Vizh, as his friends have been known to call him, recently returned to the team after a lengthy absence.

vizhback.jpg

So yeah, part of me can’t help but be a little disappointed at not seeing the Vision in that iconic team circle I keep seeing in all the AVENGERS commercials. But who knows, maybe we’ll see him tucked away in a tube in a lab somewhere on the helicarrier…

Scott can’t believe there’s never been a Jarvis action figure. If you have questions about the Avengers or comics in general, send themhere.

Staying on Target, Part II

For Those Who Came In Late: Last week, we introduced you to Marvel Comics’ resident archer and malcontent, Hawkeye the Marksman. As we saw then, Hawkeye got his start as a misunderstood supervillain, repeatedly finding himself in conflict with Iron Man thanks to Hawkeye’s romantic fixation on the Soviet femme fatale the Black Widow. However, Hawkeye’s fortunes were about to take a turn for the better…

By May of 1965, Marvel’s Editor-in-Chief (and sole writer) Stan Lee must have been feeling that his company’s second-most-popular team book, THE AVENGERS, was in something of a rut. Because unexpectedly, with issue #16, “The Old Order Changeth!”, Lee and artist Don Heck shook up the team roster like nobody’s business, dropping founding members Iron Man, Thor, Giant-Man and the Wasp, and teaming up the lone remaining member Captain America with three reformed supervillains: Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch from the pages of X-MEN, and — you guessed it — good ol’ Hawkeye from his appearances in Iron Man’s book TALES OF SUSPENSE.

avengers16.jpg

Hawkeye probably wins the award for “best way to earn a spot on the team”: he busted into Avengers Mansion, and tied up Jarvis the butler. Let’s take a look.

So the Avengers are sitting around the meeting table one day complaining about how overworked they are, when they suddenly notice smoke billowing under the door from elsewhere in the mansion. Running to investigate, Iron Man notices an arrow stuck to the door, and realizes who they’re dealing with: his old sparring partner Hawkeye.

enterhawkeye.jpg

Hawkeye, however, isn’t looking for a fight, despite the bound and gagged butler slumped in the corner. Quite the contrary, he wants to join up, telling the Avengers that a life of crime was never his intention. Hawkeye explains that it was his love for the Communist spy the Black Widow that had led him into conflict with Iron Man, and that she had recently been critically wounded by her Red masters when she tried to betray them and desert to the West. Determined to make amends for their criminal deeds, Hawkeye elected to offer his services to the Avengers.

believehawkeye.jpg

To prove his worth to the team, Hawkeye fires a volley of arrows at the bound and gagged Jarvis, severing his bonds in a needlessly hazardous fashion.

twang.jpg

Surprisingly, the Avengers jump right on board, immediately offering him a spot on the team, with Iron Man even offering to fetch him an AVENGERS’ MANUAL so Hawkeye can study up on the by-laws.

Hawkeye’s membership in the team is swiftly announced to the press, and even more surprisingly, it’s announced that Hawkeye has been “thoroughly investigated and approved by the federal security agency,” this despite the months he spent actively engaging in acts of treason alongside a known Communist spy. He must have done really well on the interview…

With everyone but Cap soon gone, Hawkeye finds himself on a completely unproven and significantly smaller Avengers team alongside Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch, and even he finds himself having doubts:

capskookyquartet.jpg

Of course, Hawkeye didn’t exactly make an easy adjustment to working in a team environment. In what would become a long-running character trait for him, Hawkeye bristled at taking orders and immediately felt that the reins of leadership should go to him, not Captain America:

heckavengers.jpg

The first glimpse we got into Hawkeye’s backstory came in AVENGERS #19, “The Coming of … the Swordsman!”, by Lee and Heck, in which the Avengers must contend with the rogue adventurer known as the Swordsman, who, like Hawkeye, tries to earn Avengers membership by busting into Avengers Mansion. He’s not quite as successful as Hawkeye, though, and ends up kayoed by the Scarlet Witch and running away with his tail between his legs. At the news of the Swordsman’s break-in, Hawkeye freaks out, and tells his story.

It turns out it had been the Swordsman who trained him in archery as a young boy traveling with the carnival. (Why exactly a master of swordplay would train the kid in archery wouldn’t make sense for years, until a later writer thought about that and made a slight revision to the origin. More on that later.)

younghawk.jpg

Young Clint Barton worshipped the Swordsman, until the day he discovered that the Swordsman had robbed the paymaster.

robbery.jpg

When young Clint refused to come in on the Swordsman’s criminal schemes, the Swordsman came after him, chasing up the circus’ highwire and then slicing it with his blade, sending the boy hurtling to the ground below, leaving Clint for dead.

The strange thing was, this backstory wasn’t really utilized much in the Swordman’s first appearance, and if I recall correctly, never played a huge part in his AVENGERS storyline, winding up as little more than an abandoned subplot.

As Cap tried to train and hone his new team, Hawkeye’s temper remained an issue, with the archer often flirting with out-and-out insubordination:

insubordination.jpg

Hawkeye’s weakness for a pretty face also re-emerges, as he finds himself beginning to have feelings for the Scarlet Witch, who herself is carrying a torch for Cap, which doesn’t sit too well with Hawkeye…

wanda.jpg

As Hawkeye’s tenure with the team grows, we also begin to see the first inklings of what would become his long-running inferiority complex, brought to the surface by the return of Hank Pym to the team, in his new identity of Goliath.

nolikegoliath.jpg

Along with this new insecurity came a bit of maturity, as Hawkeye began to show his respect for Captain America as a leader, as seen in this moment from AVENGERS #29…

hawkeyeashamed.jpg

…and this one from AVENGERS #32:

happyhawk.jpg

Hawkeye’s issues with Goliath came to a head only four months later, when Pym expresses his disapproval of inviting Hawkeye’s recently returned girlfriend the Black Widow onto the team. Hawkeye delivers a particularly wicked zinger to the often-absent Goliath: “You talk pretty big, for a guy who spends most of his time takin’ vacations!”

pymhawk.jpg

The question of Black Widow’s membership quickly becomes moot when the Widow disappears once more, accused of treason (although she was in actuality working as a double-agent for SHIELD, in one of the first of many examples of Nick Fury peeing in the Avengers’ Cheerios every chance he gets). However, Hawkeye’s inferiority complex and his issues with Hank “Goliath” Pym would come together in a very unexpected way in the next stage of his AVENGERS career, when he would steal Hank’s size-changing formula and find out for himself that being a Goliath might not be all it’s cracked up to be.

But that’s a story for another time…

Blastoff Free Comic Book Day Bash!

We couldn’t let Free Comic Book Day go by without giving away some comics! So Blastoff is teaming up with our partners at NE1 SKATE SHOP and THE FEDERAL BAR in North Hollywood for a 12-HOUR FCBD Party!

Saturday, May 5, 11 a.m. to 11 p.m.

NE1 Skate Shop

11114 Magnolia Blvd

North Hollywood, CA 91601

Come on down! We’ll have DJs spinning all day and night, artists sketching, food and drink sponsored by The Federal, and of course, Free comic books!

ALL GRAPHIC NOVELS will be 40% OFF!

Of course, Blastoff founder, comic-book writer and noted hermit SCOTT TIPTON will be in the house to scrawl his signature on your STAR TREK comics and lower their value. We’ll also be raffling off PRIZES all day!

And if you’re looking for new comics and some hard-to-find trades at great prices, we’ll have that too!

Also, if you’re going to see THE AVENGERS on Saturday, go see it at the LAEMMLE NOHO 7, and get a free comic book, courtesy of Blastoff!

And at 5pm, NE1 will kick off their Cinco de Mayo party and B. Wesley art show!

 

Worst Avenger Ever: Meet Starfox

By Jessica Tseang

The Avengers are known to all as Earth’s mightiest heroes. They are the Marvel equivalent of the Justice League and are one of the two most recognized teams in Marvel (the other being X-Men). Yet, from time to time, we collectively scratch our heads, as we can’t figure out the logic behind why certain characters are allowed the privilege to join the Avengers. When one searches the Internet with these two keywords “worst Avengers,” Google will gladly come back with a myriad of links where fanboys around the world have compiled informative lists.

Fanboys are a passionate bunch and will argue to no end on whose list is most accurate. While many share overlapping characters, such as Dr. Druid, D-Man and Jack of Hearts, there is always one contender that has never failed to be on everyone’s list: Starfox.

Just typing his name gives me the willies. It is not because he is mentally unstable or is riddled with rage issues, but because of his favorite power of choice: pleasure. Comic-book lovers can take a lot in comics. Whether it’s Nightwing’s unfortunate encounter with Tarantula or Hulk wanting to mate with his cousin She-Hulk, we laugh with disgust then shrug it off. The only time these incidents are brought up again, is during nerd-rage conversations when someone willingly brings up the topic. However, I have noticed: NO ONE LIKES TO BRING UP STARFOX.  Not even in a ha-ha sort of way.

One might happen to see his name on the Internet, or even at GameStop where our worst Avenger shares the same name as that wonderful ’90s videogame, and it would send a cold feeling down our spine.  The Joker can creep us out, but we can’t help but marvel at his genius. We don’t feel that with Starfox.

Starfox was originally named Eros (which should have been an early warning to the Avengers right there) and is the younger of two sons from Titan. He, along with his supervillain brother Thanos, are members of the Eternals. Eros grew up on Titan as a carefree womanizer and adventurer, while his brother Thanos became a power-hungry, nihilist conqueror (maybe also due to the fact that Thanos’ physical appearance is a contrast to the typical Eternal).

Thanos terrorized their planet and only then did Eros start to take his life seriously. After defending his home planet with other survivors, he joined forces with Captain Mar-Vell. Eros later learns that Thanos killed their mother and after his freedom from captivity, he helped out the Avengers and Mar-Vell in the first defeat of Thanos.

He leaves his duty on Titan and seeks out pleasure among various worlds. Eros returned to Titan to be with his now cancer-stricken friend Mar-Vell during his last moments. Mar-Vell made Eros promise to take care of his lover Elysius after he dies. But seeing his wanderlust, she releases him from his promise. Eros then leaves Titan and heads towards Earth where he sought to join the Avengers.

Good job on Eros for wanting to join a super team, a poor decision on the Avengers to even allow him as a trainee. The Avengers welcome heroes with all kinds of super powers. From telekinesis, to flight or healing factor, to just having plain ole’ good marksmanship, I can usually see the silver lining in why the Avengers allow certain heroes on their roll-call sheet.

Even Dr. Druid, D-Man, or Living Lightning have their positive points. Granted they sucked as an Avenger, but they used whatever power they were blessed with to the best of their ability. It wasn’t their fault they were given crappy powers. Like the slow kid in the back of the classroom, “Hey, at least he tried.” Or, the readers can always blame the writer for having a lazy day.

Eros’ storylines were not the issue, but rather his character. And it started with one writer, then became consistent. Nothing enrages fanboys more than “That’s not what so-and-so would do!” So once Eros became Marvel’s number-one creeper, he stayed that way. Not even a brand-new writer could fix that.

Eros had powers that are actually quite impressive: strength, stamina, agility, flight, healing factor, slow aging and psychic control over the emotions of others. He was an atrocious Avenger not because of the powers dealt to him, but his choice on which power to use during a dire situation. Sure, we see him fly around and punch things when needed, but more often than not, he chose the power to stimulate pleasure as his golden egg. That is what makes him the worst Avenger ever.

Also, look at the costume.

Comics have some of the goofiest costumes around, but when your future teammate is wearing a gigantic arrow pointed towards his nether regions (not because he has poor fashion sense but his way of not so subtly giving a humongous hint), he should not be admitted to the team.  Period.

Several hints are given to the team that should have halted his advances to being one of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.

You know how people always say “It’s the quiet ones that you look for”? Well, be careful of the ones that describe themselves during any conversation and adds “among other things.” The only thought that should be going through your mind should be “Wait a minute…<b>what</b> other things?” Nudge, nudge, wink wink. With his name being Eros, I was shocked how clueless the Avengers were.

Then again, look at how the female members were ogling him.

When a team even entertains the idea to replace a B-list hero (or A minus list) by a C-Z-lister, we know that we’re heading towards trouble.

There are some pretty horrible names for some characters. But those are so terrible we can’t help but laugh. However, they often reflect their physical appearance and/or powers. Starfox does none of the above. We may pretend to follow Wasp’s logic, but it doesn’t mean that we have to accept it.

Nothing stops the Avengers from still arriving to this conclusion:

DOOMSDAY!

Tony Stark is a womanizer and Namor also enjoys the companionship of women, but they go about catching them by being any of the following: suave, chauvinistic, charming, persuasive. Not Starfox; after a hard day’s work (or hardly working), he blows off steam by squeezing the face of a pretty young lady because that’s what women like.

All heroes have their secrets. Sure, honesty is the best policy, but we can sympathize with those who have chosen to hide potentially harmful information or powers in fear of being judged and ridiculed.

I cannot find one reason why hiding the ability to promote pleasure in another is acceptable. Perhaps it’s because Starfox knew that he has the ability over all emotions, but just can’t help choosing the one that makes people blush.

Or maybe it’s because during an extremely urgent situation he does this:

Flashing his veneer smile and creepy posture, this mighty hero decides that the best way to stop intruders is to stimulate pleasure in them.

It does not work.

Starfox is also not very bright. As what you just witnessed won’t be the last time he tries his favorite trick only to be rejected.

Argh. You know that you just wasted your hard-earned lemonade stand money when you read the Vision (one kickass character) tell Starfox to use his pleasure power on their enemy. That team just hit an all-time low.

Starfox is creepy, but now, he only gets disturbing. Not even the Joker hits on people with whom he shares possible ancestry.  Our favorite creeper spends some time in the comics to hunt down Nebula, only for him to encounter her and this happens. He uses the words “gently caress” to a character that may or may not be related to him. Bruce Banner disappears into the Hulk when he transforms and I can overlook him hitting on his cousin, but Starfox isn’t in the same position. He crossed that line like an Olympic gold medalist.

In Incredible Hulk #300, the Hulk rampages through Manhattan with only the Avengers to stop him. It astounds me that this is Starfox’s first choice against one of the most indestructible characters. I have no other reaction but to laugh.

Starfox’s best moment in comic history.

Many of you out there might disagree with me or even find my reasons idiotic; just for that, let me leave you with this:

Google it.

Jessica Tseang was sucked into comics at the tender age of three, and turned it into a degree. She is currently the host for ComiCast!, contributes to GirlGamer, and is founder of Girl on Geek and www.thecomicbookgirl.com.

Who Could Forget…

Paste-Pot Pete? I mean, he’s only the world’s greatest authority on pastes and adhesives! How could you forget him?

Comics 101, April 25, 2012 – Going Rogue

We’re at just over a week and a half before AVENGERS hits theatres here in the U.S. (and I don’t need to hear from any of you European types who have already seen it, thank you very much), and it’s already more than clear that this is going to be a massive hit, and that a sequel is all but guaranteed. Which brings the obvious, if slightly premature question: who should be the villain?

Rumor has it that there’s a hint in the film, but as I haven’t seen it yet and don’t want to be spoiled, y’all can just keep it to yourselves. So with that in mind and going on exactly zero actual information, let’s stroll through the Avengers’ rogues’ gallery and see who’d make the best cinematic Big Bad for AVENGERS 2 in 2015.

First things first: I think Loki is off the table.

lokipic.jpg

He absolutely needed to be in this one, as he was the threat that brought the team together way back in 1963, but we’ll have seen him in at least two films by then (more if he appears in THOR 2, which certainly seems likely), so I think he’ll be a little played out.

Personally, when I think Avengers villains, I think one name: Ultron.

ultronpic.jpg

The insane, hate-filled robot with an Adamantium hide has always made for some of the best Avengers stories, and he’s a powerful enough threat, with his endless robot armies and weapons, to make a viable threat for a movie. The only problem is that Ultron’s origin is so closely tied in to Avengers history, in that he was created by longtime member Hank Pym, that it’s hard to introduce him without Pym on the team and still retain the depth that makes the character dynamic cool, and introducing Pym, the Wasp and Ultron in a single film would make for a pretty tall order. I’d vote to bring in Hank and the Wasp in the second film and save Ultron for a third.

What about Kang the Conqueror?

kangpic.jpg

The time-travelling warlord certainly has the gravitas, but time-travel stories are really hard to do well without seeming overly confusing or predictable, and the best Kang stories in Avengers have been protracted tales taking place over months and months, so making it work within a two-hour running time could be problematic.

Unfortunately, one of the best Avengers antagonists over the years is unavailable for the foreseeable future, as Doctor Doom is tied up with the FANTASTIC FOUR license over at 20th Century Fox.

doompic.jpg

Although it has to be admitted that Victor Von Doom here hasn’t had the best of luck when it comes to feature-film adaptations: as a matter of fact, he’s 0 for 2. Maybe it’s best to keep him on the shelf a while longer…

Then there’s Korvac, the far-future cyborg turned omnipotent cosmic being.

korvacpic.jpg

I don’t know… Korvac would be a tough sell. Not only was the original story lengthy and a little convoluted, but the Avengers pretty much get their asses kicked stem to stern, and then get resurrected on a whim. Doesn’t scream “summer blockbuster” to me. Although it does deprive us of the sight of a literal busload of Avengers heading for a big super-fight…

buspic.jpg

If you’re talking cosmic, though, there’s only one way to go: Thanos.

thanospic.jpg

The “Mad God from Titan” has brought Earth and the Avengers to the brink several times, his initial Jim Starlin-penned faceoff with the Avengers is considered by all a classic, he’s a heavy hitter in every sense of the term, and he’s got the interplanetary resources to be a big-time threat to the cinematic Avengers. My only concern is just how in the hell do you make this guy work in live-action? Would he be all CGI like the Hulk? That’s a lot of digital acting to accomplish. Use a giant actor in heavy makeup and re-dub the voice? It wouldn’t be easy to get right.

A simpler answer might be something a little more down to earth: The Masters of Evil.

masterspic.jpg

The best Avengers villains are the ones with a deep connection to one of the core Avengers, and the Masters, under the leadership of longtime Captain America foe Baron Zemo, would totally fit the bill. All they’d have to do is set up Zemo and his revenge-obsessed son in flashback in the next CAPTAIN AMERICA movie, and they’d be all set. And introducing a whole team of secondary villains (potentially including returns from Whiplash and the Abomination) would really help cement that idea of a Marvel Universe in film. My vote goes to the Masters of Evil.

Scott is dying to see the movie already. If you have questions about the Avengers or comics in general, send them here.

My Avengers Dream Team

The more I read of the Avengers, the more I notice that the number of current, active members fluctuates. Seemingly a lot. It becomes apparent when they call in all members, including past ones, to help fight a big baddie. By the time they all arrive they flood in and crowd the room to the point where they can barely fit. Or the street corner.

They had to be transported on a bus for goodness sake because it’s the only vehicle they could all fit into. And sorry, but you have to see it to appreciate how funny that is:

Surely at some point it has to be a security hazard to have that many members of the team. Sure, only active members have the latest codes and access to highly sensitive information and clearance to actually get into Tony Stark’s mansion, but… You can also point out that they are superheroes, and they’re not the type who just divulge top secret information or often get into situations where they’re tortured for it. However, I see it as a numbers games. The more people who know, the more who are likely to screw up.

For reasons not at all related to my thoughts on the subject, Captain America eventually limits the team to having only six members at any given time. This happens way down the road in issue #211, but for the purposes of creating my dream team, I’m going to steal Cap’s rule. If I could have only six Avengers who my team, who would I pick? I mean, the illustration above shows why it’s such a hard decision. I have a large pool to pull from, and every one of them has an extraordinary skill to bring to the table (it’s one of the requirements for joining the Avengers – no random snapping civilian for them). It’s not easy to choose, but I managed to narrow it down:

Iron Man

Iron Man’s suit of armor and all that comes with it factors into my decision to keep him on the team, but mostly? He’s Tony Freaking Stark. He’s got the brains to design weapons and gadgets and anything the Avengers would ever need, and he has the money to manufacture all of it. The Avengers have the use of his mansion, and Stark generously covers the expense of any damages they incur while maintaining justice.

And though not being on the Avengers team doesn’t mean you’re automatically against them, I wouldn’t want to risk Iron Man siding with anyone else. His protective shell means he is willing to throw himself into fights head first (and maybe a little recklessly), but his rashness gives the rest of the team a chance to figure out a plan of attack.

Plus, he has roller skates.

The Hulk

Is this even a conversation? He’s the Hulk. Sure, he’s unstable, uncontrollable, and wildly unpredictable. Some of the best people are. In this case, that person / creature just so happens to be someone who is a force of nature. Hulk gets included just because of raw power. No other Avenger is able to wreck the entirety of a few blocks with just a few footsteps. He’s dangerous, but I think it’s a worthy risk.

Wasp

I know, the Wasp doesn’t seem like an obvious choice. In the beginning, she had a difficult time finding her place and actually being a contributing member of the team. She gets there though. Her ability to change size is incredibly useful. In tiny Wasp form, she can get to many places that the Avengers can’t (like the ear canal I referenced earlier this month) because of her size and mighty wings.

The size advantage also goes the other way. Her genetic modifications allow her to become positively giant and her skills grow with her. Her strength in that state was nothing to be trifled with. She only calls upon that particular power in times of great emergency. Which sort of ties in to why I want her on the team. She thinks actions through and considers consequences. She doesn’t dive headlong into battle as carelessly as some of the other members. She is a deft strategist, and I think that’s indispensable.

Scarlet Witch

The Scarlet Witch was another must-have for me. I can’t say that I’ve found a lot about her character to be endearing so far, but I have to note her helpfulness. On more than one occasion a member of the Avengers points out that only Scarlet Witch’s hex stopped whichever villain is at hand. Her skills with hexes (they alter probability to the disadvantage of enemies) are unique. No other hero quite has anything like it, and therefore she can make a difference where brute strength cannot. And, she has a pretty fantastic costume.

Vision

Besides the fact that I consider Scarlet Witch and Vision a pair which shouldn’t be separated, he brings powerful abilities. He can manipulate his density to suit the situation and foe. It’s handy to be either as lightweight as a ghost or as tough as a diamond. He’s almost invulnerable. I mean, besides being able to withstand punches he can phase between different densities to fool enemies.

He’s also on the list for his lack of pesky human emotion. Humans can try to be objective, but they ultimately fail. Even the super ones. In situations where hundreds of thousands of lives or entire planets are at a stake, I think there needs to be a walking computer (it feels rude to call him that, but he can process calculations at amazing speed) around to present the cold hard facts. Someone needs to be able to talk numbers and not feelings.

Thor

I had trouble settling on the final spot. I was torn between Hawkeye and Thor. Hawkeye is an unparalleled marksman, but Thor and his fancy hammer win. Mjolnir isn’t just a blunt weapon to hit someone over the head with. It can be used that way – and it has – its crushing force is deadly. Thor can use the combination of his strength and Mjolnir to take down enemies single-handedly.

He can also use the hammer to focus his ability to summon the elements of the storms which are at his fingertips. He can pair the hammer with his superhuman strength and reflexes and use it to deflect bullets from himself and other team members. Finally, not just anyone is capable of wielding the hammer. That built in security measure gets extra points, too.

Anyone who knows me realizes it was difficult for me to leave Captain America off the list (especially after I swiped his rules!). He does have impressive skills, but since I was playing the strategy game of trying to cover all the bases of strength and smarts, I had to choose Thor over him. No one tell him.

Who would you include in your dream team of six Avengers?