Never a Bridesmaid, Always a Bride

A few years back, it was big news all around when Clark Kent and Lois Lane finally tied the knot, an editorial decision DC stuck with for a decade or so, before kicking over their universe and starting again with the New 52.

What no one seemed to make much mention of was that this wasn’t the first marriage for our Miss Lane. Let’s take a look at Lois’ earlier walk down the aisle, from SUPERMAN’S GIRLFRIEND LOIS LANE #105 (October 1970), “Death House Honeymoon!”, written by Robert Kanigher and illustrated by Art Saaf, Ross Andru and Mike Esposito.

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Man, that’s a great cover. Sets up everything you need. Lois in a wedding gown, a pissed-off-looking Superman, and the electric chair. Here’s my 12 cents.

We open our story with just another day at the Daily Planet with Clark Kent and Lois Lane, although it’s interesting that Clark seems to have made up his mind that someday he and Lois will be together, a switch from the usual super-equivocating he would do on the subject back then:

flip

A call to Perry White sends Lois off on assignment to Gotham Prison, where convicted murderer Johnny Adonis has requested a visit from Lois before his trip to the electric chair later that evening. Lois is in such a hurry, she nearly runs her ragtop convertible directly into the path of a steamroller. Luckily, as always, Superman is hovering nearby keeping an eye on her:

steamr

At the prison, Lois meets with Johnny, who’s enjoying his last meal while another prisoner “rides the lightning”:

johnny

That’s one backed-up prison, if they’re doing two executions a day. Talk about efficient. And by the way, “Johnny Adonis”? Not exactly the most intimidating criminal nickname.

Anyway, Johnny reveals to Lois why he’s asked her there: his last request is for Lois to become his bride, just minutes before he himself goes to the chair.

wishannulled

I’m not sure that’s how an annullment works, but maybe Johnny has seen his local jailhouse lawyer and knows more than I do. Lois agrees, due to a secret no one else knew about: turns out she owed Johnny her life, after he’d saved her from an icy death by drowning while she was up at a remote cabin working on her Superman biography (of course):

ice

And by the way, just where was Superman when this was going down. Every time Lois gets a hangnail, Superman shows up like two seconds later with an emery board, but here she is going down for the third time and he’s nowhere to be found, probably up at the Fortress Turtle-Waxing the Supermobile.

Consumed by guilt, Lois agrees to become “Mrs. Adonis”:

agreed

Summoned by Jimmy’s signal watch, Superman swiftly arrives at the prison, just as Lois is trying on her bridal veil:

veil

As good as her word, Lois marries Johnny, with a clearly unhappy Superman looking on:

wedding

Johnny at least seems to find the humor in the situation:

joke

A bitter Superman departs, just as a riot breaks out on Death Row and Lois is taken hostage. And with Superman gone, the warden and prison guards fold like a house of cards, giving the mob of convicted murderers a roomy sedan so they can drive away with Lois as their captive. Good work, warden.

riot

Once out of the prison, the prisoners decide they no longer need a hostage, so they roll the getaway car into the Lois trapped inside. Luckily for her, Metropolis’ new vigilante The Thorn was on the scene, and rescued Lois from yet another watery grave (and again, Kal-El is nowhere to be found. Is someone holding a super-grudge?)

drop

Johnny Adonis, meanwhile, has had a change of heart and turns on his fellow criminals when they try and shoot Lois and the Thorn. Apparently allowing his new bride to drown was one thing, but shooting her is something else entirely.

pow

Johnny is soon taking a bullet himself for his trouble. And not long after, Superman conveniently arrives on the scene, too late to save him. Coincidence? After Supes mops up the thugs, Lois shares a tender moment with her dying hubby. She’s apparently already forgotten that whole “you let me drown” incident from a minute before.

thorn

As the Thorn slips away in the fog, Lois is already practically writing the story for the PLANET in her head:

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Well, you can’t mourn forever, I suppose…

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